An Addict behind the keys of a message board
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“I really feel like I can turn things around”
Amanda J. Snell—a friend of mine—allowed me to interview her about her personal life. Amanda is 38 years old and about 160 pounds. She lives around the dark ghettos in St. Louis, Missouri. I interviewed Amanda behind the keys of a message board because she couldn’t make it to Salt Lake. I started off with a simple question such as her favorite color. “Blue,” she roughly typed back. After we were comfortable with each other, I slowly migrated into her “other life.”
“What do you mean my ‘other life?’” she hesitantly asked. “Your addictions?” I then asked without trying to intrude. I imagined her shaking as she typed back, “I’m not sure what to think about my lifestyle right now, but I know it can change.” When Amanda was eight years old, she got put into a group home. A few years later when she turned fifteen, she went into a foster home. Her new foster parents were deeply into drugs; whether it be cocaine, heroin, marijuana, etc. they did it all. It was kept hidden from Amanda for almost a year until she caught them in the act. “They came home from a spring fling party, so wasted, that I didn’t even recognize them. My foster parents are definitely the ones who influenced me to be involved in drugs.” The first time that Amanda has experimented with any drugs was when she was sixteen years old; she snuck into her parents stash.
When asked, “How exactly she views drug addiction,” she gave it a long thought and finally answered, “I like to view drug addiction as a chosen sickness that almost becomes impossible to overcome. It is a chosen lifestyle, but once you have started there is basically no going back. I hope people learn from me.” Amanda has a long lost brother that she hasn’t seen or talked to for almost two years now. She also has some nieces and nephews. “Drugs have taken away my social life, my happiness, and my hopes.” She feels like a family is people you can trust, but she has done too much harm to associate with them. “It hurts to miss everybody so much.”
These last few years have been the most difficult for Amanda. “I would do anything to go back when I was younger, and turn everything around from the start. I have screwed up in so many ways; I don’t even know where to begin.” She deeply regrets picking up those first drugs and using them over and over.
Amanda is only in her late-thirties. She still has so many years left to live and enjoy. However, she fears it might be too hard for a sobering change. “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I typed. “Idk…...” she typed back, “hopefully just not here.” Amanda knows that there are certain steps—big and little—needed to sober up. She informed me that she has actually been off of drugs for over two months now. She said this was her highest record since she was eighteen years old. She hopes that someday she will be able to get a job, and get drugs completely out of her life. “What made you decide to change on your own?” I asked. She typed for a while, but she finally got the words to say, “I took a look back at my life and where I am going. And I have decided that I don’t want to die this way. I want to be happy, so I decided to start taking baby steps.”
Most people wouldn’t see very much hope for Amanda, but she sees hope for herself. She has a life of regret and a heart of love. Amanda was once a kid who had hoped great things for the future. “I really feel like I can turn things around, and see my family again.” She has never been so committed to doing something such as this, and hopes for a good outcome.
Works Cited
Snell, Amanda J. Addict Kimberly Foster. 7 March 2015.
Amanda J. Snell—a friend of mine—allowed me to interview her about her personal life. Amanda is 38 years old and about 160 pounds. She lives around the dark ghettos in St. Louis, Missouri. I interviewed Amanda behind the keys of a message board because she couldn’t make it to Salt Lake. I started off with a simple question such as her favorite color. “Blue,” she roughly typed back. After we were comfortable with each other, I slowly migrated into her “other life.”
“What do you mean my ‘other life?’” she hesitantly asked. “Your addictions?” I then asked without trying to intrude. I imagined her shaking as she typed back, “I’m not sure what to think about my lifestyle right now, but I know it can change.” When Amanda was eight years old, she got put into a group home. A few years later when she turned fifteen, she went into a foster home. Her new foster parents were deeply into drugs; whether it be cocaine, heroin, marijuana, etc. they did it all. It was kept hidden from Amanda for almost a year until she caught them in the act. “They came home from a spring fling party, so wasted, that I didn’t even recognize them. My foster parents are definitely the ones who influenced me to be involved in drugs.” The first time that Amanda has experimented with any drugs was when she was sixteen years old; she snuck into her parents stash.
When asked, “How exactly she views drug addiction,” she gave it a long thought and finally answered, “I like to view drug addiction as a chosen sickness that almost becomes impossible to overcome. It is a chosen lifestyle, but once you have started there is basically no going back. I hope people learn from me.” Amanda has a long lost brother that she hasn’t seen or talked to for almost two years now. She also has some nieces and nephews. “Drugs have taken away my social life, my happiness, and my hopes.” She feels like a family is people you can trust, but she has done too much harm to associate with them. “It hurts to miss everybody so much.”
These last few years have been the most difficult for Amanda. “I would do anything to go back when I was younger, and turn everything around from the start. I have screwed up in so many ways; I don’t even know where to begin.” She deeply regrets picking up those first drugs and using them over and over.
Amanda is only in her late-thirties. She still has so many years left to live and enjoy. However, she fears it might be too hard for a sobering change. “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I typed. “Idk…...” she typed back, “hopefully just not here.” Amanda knows that there are certain steps—big and little—needed to sober up. She informed me that she has actually been off of drugs for over two months now. She said this was her highest record since she was eighteen years old. She hopes that someday she will be able to get a job, and get drugs completely out of her life. “What made you decide to change on your own?” I asked. She typed for a while, but she finally got the words to say, “I took a look back at my life and where I am going. And I have decided that I don’t want to die this way. I want to be happy, so I decided to start taking baby steps.”
Most people wouldn’t see very much hope for Amanda, but she sees hope for herself. She has a life of regret and a heart of love. Amanda was once a kid who had hoped great things for the future. “I really feel like I can turn things around, and see my family again.” She has never been so committed to doing something such as this, and hopes for a good outcome.
Works Cited
Snell, Amanda J. Addict Kimberly Foster. 7 March 2015.